trying a different perspective about husband and exgirlfriend?
Jun 19
Question by Phoenix: trying a different perspective about husband and exgirlfriend?
Please! any thoughts or comments welcome
Any guys perspectives needed!
If I was to ask my husband to stop communicating(or for the love of God, limit) his communication PERMANENTLY with his exgirlfriend who he grew up with and dated on and off for 7 years, would that be legit? or is that consider controlling? they broke up FIVE years ago.
bottom line, I’ve told him it bothers me. after a huge fight about 8 months ago, he said he would cut down, and he did for a few months but now its back to texting every day or every other day. its conveniently when I am not physically around him, during the work day etc. She lives states away and I know it is not physically crossing the line as he is home with me every night and there is no “business travel”, but it is making me very uncomfortable. He constantly says that she is ignorant and lazy and he would never want to be with her. and she cheated on him which is why they broke up.
how can it be he would rather me, his wife, be out in the cold and unhappy/uneasy than stop talking to this “stupid, lazy, cheater’?
Best answer:
Answer by Debi
Since she’s stupid, lazy and a cheater, he should have no problem breaking off contact with her to make the woman he loves happy. Tell him I said so.
What do you think? Answer below!
No he’s up to something with her even if it’s just an emotialy affair. There’s no reason he should even want to be in contact with an ex especially one that cheated on him. Something’s not right there.
he cant help it ,its something about her that he cant let go !You really don’t need to let it trouble you so much !!
dont worry their just having phone sex for now.WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! u are a smart caring person. put your foot down.
Sounds like you’ve done the right thing by telling him that you are uncomfortable with his communication with her. It is not controlling for you to want him to greatly limit his contact with his ex. Sounds like your husband is being a bit of an idiot. Ask him why he feels that he needs to talk to her, especially when he thinks so little of her. What is he getting from her that he is not getting from you?
Slam the door. You have every right to ask him to break communications with this baggage. Seriously I don’t know how you people put up with this crap.
I have some rules for my husband and his friends that are women. A few of them are a bit younger so they seem to text more, etc. I asked that the texting stop. To me, it’s a real personal thing. It’s intrusive- especially if he is getting them while he is at home. Most of my husbands friends are people he works with, so he talks to them while he is at work. When he is home and on the weekends, that is our family time. Sounds strict maybe, but we had a situation a few years ago where he was talking to 2 of them way too much. Most of it was the ladies calling him, but he wasn’t putting a stop to it. In my eyes, it was the start of an emotional affair. We weren’t doing too well and were letting us go. It was my wake up call. If he loves you, he should take your feelings into consideration. Think about what type of communication you can live with, if any. And then talk to him about it.
Dag on it, I would NOT be one bit happy about my husband still in contact w/a girl who cheated on him 5 yrs. ago, but is still in touch w/her. I’d just plain tell him to STOP, it’s making you sick & it’s NOT fair to you a bit. He has NO reason to still be in touch w/her. He should actually hate her by all rites, not keep in touch w/her. Tell him it’s really getting to you, & IF he cares anything about YOU, he’ll STOP. This is NOT a bit fair to you & he honestly has no rite to do this to you in the first place. Just tell him it’s making you sick & is that what he wants to do to YOU?! …best to you…:)
I wouldnt go for that crap and you shouldnt have to either. I mean its cool to have friends, even exes but texting everyday and talking all the time. i think thats a little over the line
I’ve kept a close friendship with my ex gf for 31 years now. We both know that we’re better off as friends than anything else. There was a connection made in the past, and it has survived marriages and divorces on both are part.
You are justified in wanting it to end only if she advocates splitting you two apart. She plays a role and has a history in his life that you don’t. You may be the one for him, but you’re not everything to him. It’s a fairy tale to think that one person is all anyone needs in their life. Friends are necessary and come in many different packages.
You should keep him, as long as he professes his love and devotion to you. Don’t you have an ex bf that you can relate to as a friend?
I think he’s out of line. A married man should not have a significant relationship (texting every day is significant) with a member of the opposite sex who is not his wife. Period. And double period if the woman is an ex-girlfriend.
Here’s the thing. You can’t fight about it. Don’t give him an ultimatum. He’ll just dig in his heels, think your a controlling bitch, and further justify his behavior. You have to be sweet, clever and cute about this. Make cutting down on his texting to her something he wants to do rather than something he MUST do because his wife is on his back. HOW you do this depends on your relationship. I’m not sure what works with him. Your goal, though, ought to be to gently let him know that you want to be the only one in his life, texting and otherwise, and that there are great rewards coming to him whether he stops texting her or not. (You caught that, right? DON’T use some kind of reward to goad him. Give him the rewards no matter what and he’ll gladly go along with you!)
Bottom line: Become the woman he can’t wait to come home to, the one he wants to be with so badly that he can’t waste time texting the old gf.
Oh! Just thought of this. Why don’t you text him love notes a few times every day. That way he’ll start to associate texting with you. Maybe promise him some of those rewards when he gets home–and then deliver big time. He’ll start looking for texts from you instead of her. Nice.
I totally agree with you and it is selfish and inconsiderate of him. To me it also sounds like he is just saying bad things about her just to sort of put you at ease which does not make him too trustworthy.
The problem is that you are just fueling the fire by being overly suspicious and jealous. Some men never grow up that way and he may be getting off on the fact that he is making you jealous and it makes him feel important and wanted.
Don’t play the game. Make out like you don’t care anymore and really cool down a bit because if she’s states away she really is not a threat to you but watch it from a distance.
If you are really that concerned and want your marriage to work you can also ask him what it is that he is getting from her that you are not giving him. Just don’t make it an argument because in a marriage nobody wins an argument.
He then have to give you a reason why he is still communicating with her and the game stops or you can fill that need for him. Demanding he stops is usually just like scolding a child who will then keep on doing it just to spite the parent.
Love is like the roots of a marriage and communication is the water that nourish those roots. When communication stops and jealousy and arguments poison the roots they die and another divorce is added to the statistics
Wishing you all the best.